so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
