Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's not a foreskin expert like you
did i just pee glitter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
