I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
