Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
