The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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