xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
