What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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