Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
