Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
