I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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