Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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