I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
