peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
