My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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