Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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