And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
