I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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