why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
