Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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