just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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