So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dicks are not precious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
