I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
