I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
