I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
