if you like me you must not know who I am
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize