yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
