Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He called his prostate his "boner button".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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