Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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