ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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