Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
