Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
