he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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