why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
