i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
