What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I faked an abortion last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
In America we eat man semen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize