They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
