If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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