I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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