I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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