she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize