i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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