sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
