Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
