So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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