She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Randomize
