after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
