Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
