The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
