i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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