i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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