just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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