I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
