i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
