She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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