Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
