i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
