If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize