Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
