It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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