Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
