wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
