The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
