I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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