i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think your dad took our porno
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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