I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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