His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
