Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
