I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
