I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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