U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
