I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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