Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
