i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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