Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
