he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
