You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
worst night to have a conscience
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
