Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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