sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize