Four minutes until I can fart!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize