There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
