Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
