I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
