Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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