I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
