Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
