i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
