apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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