It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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