Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
