I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he thought i was a dude.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
